There are selfless acts and there are gestures you hear about that just stop you in your tracks. A case in point is an incredible offer made from one relative stranger to another, from one mom to another, 1,100 kilometers away. Despite being unrelated – except that they were both mums and both primary school teachers – Rachel Eller, of Smithers, near Terrace, agreed to have a baby through egg donation from Katya Ballos, of Richmond. And after just a few weeks of phone calls and Facetimes — and a ton of research and questions — the couple struck a body-and-spirit contract, with Eller, 37, becoming a surrogate for Ballos and her husband, Jason Trigg. The Smithers mother of two said she was moved last year by Ballos’ Instagram appeal for a surrogate mother. In that post, Ballos explained how she was unable to fulfill her family’s dream of having a second child due to undergoing chemotherapy in 2019 for cervical cancer. Having recently lost a close cousin to cancer, Eller said she was immediately intrigued, before discussing the possibility a few days later with her admittedly “surprised” husband. Her subsequent offer left Ballo speechless, but the two families now know each other well, having shared the baby’s ultrasound and spent part of the summer camping together up north near Smithers.
The baby is due in a few weeks
The baby, a boy, is due in a few weeks, and this weekend Ballos, her husband and their four-year-old son, Oscar, are flying to Smithers to make sure they don’t miss a beat. “There are no words. It’s surreal. I know this is happening, but it’s still very hard to believe it’s happening,” Ballos told the Richmond News on Monday. “A baby is coming and it’s going to change all of our lives. If it happens tomorrow, we’ll go on a flight tomorrow.” Ballos recalled crying in the car when Eller first called to express her interest in helping. “My son was there and I tried to explain to him about happy tears and what surrogacy was,” said Balos, who had her eggs removed before undergoing chemotherapy. “I told my husband and he said, ‘we haven’t even met her.’ He was surprised that he was going to do this for us, since he didn’t know us.” Eller, meanwhile, who has two daughters aged nine and seven, admitted to the News that being a surrogate wasn’t something she had even remotely considered before now. She said that once she had done her research and met Ballo, she was eager to get the ball rolling, so to speak. “I thought, if I’m going to do this, I want to do it now, I don’t want it to take a year or more,” Eller said. “My cousin was 39 when she was diagnosed. She had two children and I watched what she went through. He died last November. I was able to tell her what I was doing before she passed. “When I read Katya’s story, I couldn’t help but connect with her and want to help in some way.”
No second thoughts from the surrogate mom
And despite the fact that the last nine months have been a “rough pregnancy”, with intense bouts of nausea, Eller said she hasn’t given it a second thought. “I don’t regret it at all. Nausea was difficult. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s not my genetics and my body is fighting it a little bit, I don’t know,” Eller added. “But this was a gift for my kids in terms of learning about selfless acts and giving without getting anything in return. “I explained that this is not going to be our baby and they are fine with that.” Ballos said she and her husband will be in the delivery room for the delivery and, after that, everything will be about the baby’s health. “The baby will come out of the hospital when it’s ready to go, whether it’s for a few days or whatever,” Ballos said, explaining that’s when they’ll bring him home to Richmond. Asked about the “deal” itself, Balos said there is a contract, drawn up by lawyers, but there was a “tremendous amount” of preparation before anything was signed. “There are medical tests at the fertility clinic to make sure your body can do this, and there’s counseling all the way through, talking about what it’s going to be like for both families,” Balos said. What isn’t is changing hands, except that Ballos and her husband are reimbursing Eller for any pregnancy-related expenses. “This is not legal in Canada. It’s in the US,” he added. As for communication afterward, Ballos said Eller “will be a part of the baby’s life. It’s not like adoption. “Maybe she’ll be Aunt Rachel or something. We imagine there will be plenty of Facetimes on the way.” Eller agreed, saying she thinks they’ll “definitely always be in touch.” “I don’t feel like I have to be a huge part of his life because there’s no blood relation. “I’m sure there will be some connection, but I don’t feel like I need to get super involved.”
